The wedding industry has done a great job convincing couples that spending more money means creating a more meaningful wedding. A bigger ring. A more expensive venue. Designer clothes. Elaborate flowers. Every upgrade is presented as proof that the couple is serious about their future together.
The research suggests the truth is the exact opposite.
Studies have found that expensive weddings and engagement rings may actually be connected to higher divorce rates. It turns out that starting a marriage with a beautiful party and a mountain of debt may not be the romantic beginning people imagine.
One of the best-known studies on this subject came from Emory University economics professors Andrew Francis-Tan and Hugo M. Mialon.
Their study, titled “A Diamond Is Forever” and Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship Between Wedding Expenses and Marriage Duration, looked at more than 3,000 people who had been married.
The results challenged a lot of what the wedding industry tells couples.
Men who spent between $2,000 and $4,000 on an engagement ring had a risk of divorce that was around 1.5 higher than men who spent between $500 and $2,000.
That does not mean an expensive ring causes divorce. It does suggest that spending more money on the ring does not create a stronger marriage.
The numbers were even more surprising when researchers looked at the total wedding budget.
Women whose weddings cost more than $20,000 were around 3x times more likely to divorce than women whose weddings cost between $5,000 and $10,000.
Couples who spent $1,000 or less on their weddings had lower-than-average divorce rates.
Again, the research does not prove that an expensive wedding causes a divorce. It does show that spending more money on the wedding does not improve the couple’s chances of staying married.
The wedding is only one day. The bills can follow a couple into their marriage for years. When couples use credit cards, loans, or borrowed money to pay for their wedding, they begin married life under immediate financial pressure. Instead of building savings, paying down existing debt, or preparing for their future, they are paying for flowers that died before the first bill arrived.
Ask any marital therapist or good financial planner (we recommend Shiri Ayalon) and they will tell you that one of the biggest causes for divorce is financial issues. Money is already one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships. Beginning a marriage with unnecessary debt gives couples one more thing to argue and worry about.
Couples should consider if they want their wedding to celebrate the beginning of a marriage or be the first financial crisis of that marriage.
The Emory study did not find that couples should skip the celebration or get married alone in a courthouse stairwell. It found that where couples spent their money mattered.
Having more guests at the wedding was connected to longer marriages. Taking a honeymoon, even an inexpensive one, was also connected to a lower risk of divorce. Another study from the National Marriage Project found that couples who had larger public weddings reported higher marital quality.
This does not mean couples need a huge ballroom or a six-figure reception. It means there may be real value in bringing together the people who care about them. Friends and family create a support system. They witness the commitment and become part of the couple’s shared life. Expensive centerpieces and designer shoes do not support a couple, friends and loved ones do
All the research I am sharing here makes a strong argument for keeping wedding spending in perspective.
A meaningful wedding does not need to be an expensive wedding. Couples can gather the people they love, celebrate their commitment, take a trip together, and still avoid beginning their marriage buried in debt.
The goal should not be to create the most impressive day possible. The goal should be to create a strong beginning for the marriage that comes after it.
